After many years of research (by which I mean trying to talk to Irish relatives and Scottish residents of Appalachia and Nova Scotia) I can confirm that both the Scottish and Irish languages do in fact exist solely to confuse the English. After many years of additional exhaustive research (I sat on the couch and drank a beer while looking up funny Welsh words on the internet) I can confirm that they also possess a language based around the vexation of Englishmen.
The English, true to form, responded to this flagrant provocation with the creation of Cockney Rhyming Slang, a language that cannot be understood by anyone. Including the people actually speaking it.
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