Here’s a copy of the story I just told, for posterity XD
Okay, so… this is the story of the time I got kidnapped by six Blajini and wound up hogtied upside-down underneath a billboard somewhere on a Romanian highway.
Now, I grew up in the US, Midwest, and prior to becoming a Bee I had no idea about the Blajini or what they’re like. Or that they were even real. Fairy tales, they’re called the “Kindly Ones.” Little rodent-faced creatures, sweet as pie, all round good neighbors-- until you step on their toes. And boy, did I step on their toes…
So, I guess I should start with why I was in Romania in the first place, uh- as a Templar operative I had missions in the area, but I also had a personal investigation to conduct. I found out recently that I’ve got an ancestor that wasn’t human, a Faun or something. You might have noticed the horns… Yep, they’re attached. They showed up after I swallowed Gaia’s bee, something about breaking an enchantment that hid my true nature, blah blah magic stuff, I wasn’t really listening when Sonnac was trying to explain it to me… Anyway, yeah the Blajini.
I rolled up to this sad little tavern in the farmlands, where I’d heard about a possible contact. There’s an actual forest god just, chilling at the bar and putting away beer after beer. Sad about vampires destroying his forest, you’ve probably seen the guy. Actual upright elk wearing a green hood and cloak. Anyway, I figure if anybody could tell me what I was, it’s probably this guy. So I started drinking with him.
That guy… can really drink. Six beers down, and he’s telling me about the true nature of the cosmos, I’m like on the verge of enlightment or some ■■■■, haven’t even gotten around to asking him about my non-human ancestor, when this litle Blajini guy steps up to the bar. He’s like, the same height as the barstool itself, got his little arms up trying to climb it.
Well, you know-- I’m friendly, feelin good, drunk as hell, and NOT thinking clearly. Thought it’d be a nice gesture to just, you know… Pick the little guy up and put him on the barstool. This was a horrible, horrible idea… Apparently he took great offense to me slotting my hands under his armpits and just hoisting him up onto the bar like a sack of potatoes.
He slugged me, that was the first thing that happened. Tiny little balled fist no bigger than a golfball socking me right in the eye. Then he must have called for his buddies, because they were all over me, knocking me out of my chair, kicking at me, it wasn’t pretty. There must have been about six of them, or there could have been three but they were all really fast and my vision was blurry-- anyway. After I took a bit of a beating from a horde of leprechauns, I passed out. And woke up elsewheres.
I was dangling upside down, tied by my ankles to the supports of a Bingo Blast billboard. They’d wrapped my arms in rope, loosely thankfully so after some wiggling I was able to shrug them off and then untie my feet. And then I fell on my head.
So, yeah. Don’t try to pick up Blajini. The end!
