What is the Orochi Company's least favorite candy?
Lifesavers.
What part of their house does an Orochi employee spend the least amount of time in?
The Living Room.
Full Credits: RawkRobot
3 Likes
You might be Orochi if your retirement package is jokingly referred to as funereal expenses.
You might be Orochi if travel vouchers to distant field locations don’t come with return fares.
You might be Orochi if your boss has a really bad German accent and affectionately refers to you as ‘Specimen A’ or ‘Subject Zero’.
You might be Orochi if your initial hire welcome kit includes ‘Tentacle Cream’.
Full Credits to:Guardianwulf
1 Like
"hey its cheap airtravel in this company"
"why is that?"
"its always a one way ticket"
"......oh."
Full credits to: Razeyl
What movie does Orochi Corp show at orientation?
The Ring.
Full Credits to: blackhawk451
1 Like
Anyone else notice how in each zone that had an Orochi base got progressivly worst?
Kingsmouth - Everyone's alive! You got choppers flying through the air, security set up tight, drones everywhere, NPCs ready and guards stationed everywhere! Ready, For, Anything!
Blue Mountain - Things got a bit out of hand. Orochi are in lockdown and their base is sealed, zombified Orochi members wonder around the base. Operations are still commencing.
The Scorching Sands - The base was completely overrun and the survivors are fighting for their lives, waiting for extraction and defending their last point.
Valley of the Sun God - Everyone is dead
Carpathian Fangs - Didn't even wait to die, they all evacuated. Cept that one guy. Who talks to teddie bears.
Full Credits to: Grimno
An Orochi commander is assigned a post over a legion of 300 commandos in the Blue Mountains. After setting up post the commander sends out three platoons of scouts. Two days pass with no word and no thought to their welfare when suddenly one scout out of all the commands returns.
"Sir!" The commando coughs up some blood.
"Sir, we ran into trouble, there were these moth like creatures...I think they're called Ak'ab...all my team are dead!"
The commando commences to pass out on the floor, blood pooling around the poor soul.
Thinking this is a great chance to show leadership potential, the commander orders the remaining commandos to seek and destroy all Ak'ab threats.
"Bring me their heads!" The commander shouts.
After thirty minutes, one commando stumbles back into the command post. The commander looks up with an astonished and disgusted look.
"Where's the rest of your squad soldier, where's the rest of the Army I sent out for that matter?!"
Gasping, blood dripping from a wound on his side, the commando drops to hands and knees. "Sir...there were two of them!"
Full Credits to: vangriffeth
1 Like
The Illuminati Agent: "Control is Power!"
The Templar Agent: "Tradition is Power!"
The Dragon Agent: "Chaos is Power!"
The Orochi Agent: "..." *thud*
Full Credits to : savarix
2 Likes
An Orochi commander gave orders to his his three top men.
He told agent one to bring him an artifact.
He told agent two to bring him a filth specimen.
He told agent three to bring him a supplies stash.
The agents headed out, all coming up with various ways to accomplish their mission.
Agent One - "I'm gonna use rods to triangulate the position of the artifact."
Agent Two - "I'm gonna use sentries to capture the specimen."
Agent Three - "I'm gonna use a black van to transport the supplies"
They parted ways and each headed to their operation zone to complete their goal.
The commander was pronounced dead at 0900 hours.
Full Credits to : Grimno
1 Like
What's the difference between an Orochi agent and a canine?
The canine can do more tricks besides "play dead".
--
How many Orochi can you fit into a clown car?
Grab a blender, we'll find out.
Full Credits: MeiMei
2 Likes
What do a mayfly and an orochi operative have in common?
-Life expectancy
How many orochi operatives does it take to clothe a Draug?
-Only one if the skin doesn't rip when they put it on.
Full Credits: Evilbeavers
1 Like
How did Faust become the number one insurance company?
Orochi employees are encouraged to take out there life insurance at rival companies.
3 Likes
How do you get a one-armed Orochi agent out of a tree?
Wait for him to bleed out.
Full Credits: MysterX
2 Likes
A Dragon, a Templar and an Orochi are all running from a pack of angry cultists.
The trio duck into an alleyway, spot a pile of old burlap sacks, and promptly hide in them.
The cultists follow them into the alley and kick the bag with the Templar in it. The Templar goes
"meow!" and the cultists go "Ah, it's just a bag full of cats."
They kick the bag with the Dragon in it, and the Dragon goes "woof!" and they're like,
"OK, dog in a bag, whatever."
Then they kick the bag with the Orochi in it, and he goes "potato!"
Full Credits: Swordguy
2 Likes
What do you call an Orochi in the ocean with his arms and legs ripped off?
Bob.
What do you call an Orochi with his inards splayed on a wall?
Art.
What was the last thing to go through the Orochi agents mind before he died?
A tenticle.
How do you know that Orochi's are big fans of ■■■■■■■■■■■?
All they do is watch filth all day - heck they wallow in it.
The Orochi Battle Song
(with apologies to whoever wrote the battle of New Orleans)
In 2011 we took a helo trip
To gather samples of the filth where it does drip
We took a few beakers and we took a few drones
Were setting up the camp when we heard the alarm's tones
We fire our guns and they really came a coming
Seemed twice as many as their was the time before
We fired once more then really set to running
bullets wouldn't stop em and we were turning into gore
Orochi said knowledge is the master prize
We need to get some samples so we send you with supplies
the infected saw us and they began to rise
in their nasty goo they wanted us baptized
We fire our guns and they really came a coming
Seemed twice as many as their was the time before
We fired once more then really set to running
bullets wouldn't stop em and we were turning into gore
Well we ran through the briars and ran through the brambles
and we ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go
we ran so fast hell-hounds couldn't catch us
trying to escape them before our eyes are all aglow
Full Credits: ItBurns
2 Likes
Are you spamming my brain? I can’t handle it anymore 
1 Like
How did the Orochi kill the Wendigo?
By getting lodged in its throat.
Full Credits : MysterX
1 Like
What can this thread do that Orochi can’t seem to do yet?
Resurect!
Full Credits to : pandorahh
2 Likes
I was doing some research in the Illuminati databanks, and I was surprised to see that the Orochi group managed to get several US presidents elected over the years, much to the annoyance of contemporary Illuminati leaders. The full list:
William Henry Harrison
Zachary Taylor
Abraham Lincoln
James A. Garfield
William McKinley
Warren G. Harding
Franklin D. Roosevelt
John F. Kennedy
Full Credits to : Candycane
Ps: All of the above died in office
1 Like
Orochi Recruiter “What excites you about a carrer in the Orochi group”
Orochi Recruitee “Where to begin ? The thrist for knowledge; The benefits and corporate social responsability of the Group at large , The travelling to exotique locales , The contant expansion of research both in the lab and in the field, Whats not to be excited about ??”
Orochi Recruiter “Well i can see you are an enthusiast about the Company and we value that a great deal but i have yet to warn you a couple of facts about our present business and corporate Outlook situation at the moment”
Orochi Recruitee " I am all ears"
Orochi Recruiter "Well first , since the Kaidan accident we have to refocus our efforts into stabilizing and containing the situation right here"
Orochi Recruiter "As to the company travel’s package i’ll let you in to a little secret … “them are all ONE way tickets”.
Orochi Recruiter “As to the research in the field we are still very much expanding operations both here and abroad but you will have to be very careful about whom you can trust out there , the reasons for this will become in time pretty obvious” .
Orochi Recruitee still unphazed “Well i am stil willing to pitch in and come aboard i don’t think you will be in any way disappointed” .
Orochi Recruiter “One last question before i sign you in … can you confirm weight and measurements , since we vetted you in the first place we just need to confirm your sizes” .
Orochi Recruitee “Certainly , writes back the whole list of measurements”
As the Orochi walks out of the office Something catches his attention out of the HR branch , he sees a fleet of trucks coming into another part of the complex heavily laden with what looks like black shiny plastic bags.
Orochi Recruiter comes up behind him and says “Returning Employees of the month for the holyday season”.
Orochi Recruitee “What ???”
Orochi Recruiter "Yes … well air fares might be first class on the way in but well let’s just say cargo fares have been getting more economical for the return trips this year … good for business … ".
1 Like
Did ya hear about the after hours Orochi pillow fight ?
There were no survivors …
4 Likes