If you get the high ping thing, just wait it out, then after 5-10min the refresh button will appear, i think its linked to the anti flood/ ddos attack thing.
Sorry you’re having the problem, Super. The lack of the refresh button is probably due to the fact that the selection has not polled all of the available servers, which IIRC exceed 7000 across the world. As NOR said, you could wait it out, but that takes too long.
Instead of restarting the game, simply return to the main menu and hit online again, and the process will start over. It takes but a few seconds and may solve at least this part of the problem.