Goodbye for now(RANT)

Did you guys add anything in chapter 3 that ISN’T bugged beyond hell? It truly is mind boggling how this game has been out for 5 years and Funcom has been in business since early 1990s but they still can’t seem to release an update for their game that doesn’t break half the crap already present in it. Its no surprise the company has been in decline and they had to constantly lay employees off due to financial loss. Heres a pro tip for you Funcom: Learn how to develop and most importantly, learn how to test your product before you release it.

Towards the end of chapter 2, your incompetence made everyone lose their pets and thralls. After I finished the bp for chapter 2, I took a break, only logging in to refresh timers that seem to be wonky as well. Some days it’ll say over 400 hrs until decay other days it’ll say over 200. Why is something so simple as decay timers so wonky, Funcom? Can’t you even do that properly? I come back for chapter 3 and I’m presented with an error telling me I’m banned and all my C-coins were gone. And you actually had the nerve to state in the error message that I would have to rebalance my crom coin credits to be unbanned? The fked up part is people actually DID rebuy crom coins just to get themselves unbanned, fearing that waiting for Funcom support to undue there 1-of-many-mistakes would take ages. How fked up is that?!

I was so excited to get a barkeeper and start a bar, hire some thralls and talk to Iscar over a beer. But that excitement quickly died because half the time Iscar’s caged is bugged and you can’t free him. And even when you do get to finally free him and gain the ability to summon him to your bar, most of the time he doesn’t show. Wonderful implementation, Funcom! But before all that, your purge system is bugged beyond hell of course. Does it make sense that demolishers can 1 shot a tier 3 gate with a tiny little battering ram? No, of course it doesn’t. I even saw 1 demolisher walking like he was friggin Sonic the hedgehog. So now we can’t even implement npc movement properly, Funcom? Also, when I die during the purge, why does the game take AGES to load all the textures and objects in? Why, funcom? Why are your servers so weak and unstable?

I did the kurak dungeon recently, it was a great experience too. Nothing better than my pets getting stuck on every nick and cranny and almost die to the acid. The bosses and npcs are also peachy. Clearly the Kurak dungeon is a tribute to Michael Jackson. The whole encounter npcs are all doing the moonwalk all over the arena. Nothing better than dying to an undead dragon that moonwalks the entire fight and kills me even though there was no attack animation at all. Or how about the fact that if you die, you’re suppose to spawn outside the dungeon with all your gear, but don’t? Yeah that’s a great experience too Funcom. Sometimes the boss doesn’t even cross the barrier between the arena and Mek’kamoses. What does that mean for the player? Remove bracelet and lose all your gear, that’s what. Or sit there and wait for the 1-hitter-quitter-blood god to show up. Great implementation Funcom! But if all that wasn’t bad enough, lets talk about how if the player chooses “Dungeon” as the respawn, the player is then trapped in an infinite loading screen that forces the them to end task in task manager. Super super amazing implementation Funcom! Truly!

Also…Why am I falling through ceilings every 10 friggin minutes due to your poor server performance, Funcom? It wasn’t that long ago player’s treasures were falling through the ceiling. Now the PLAYER is falling through the ceiling too!? GREAT, Funcom!!!

But of course, the biggest hype of chapter 3 was in fact Almerayah right? Yeah let’s talk about Almerayah. Lets talk about how everywhere in the game, npcs have what seems like a 15min respawn timer. But for some odd, confusing reason, Funcom decided the Almerayah npcs should have a 30sec respawn timer. Such amazing logic Funcom! Yeah lets fill a
fortress with hard hitting npcs that can swarm and pancake a player in 10sec if they are not careful, and also give them a 30sec respawn timer. Clearly Funcom deserves the “absolute logical logic of the year” reward.

Also wheres my friggin camel, Funcom…?

But these are all just bugs right? Bugs exist in every game. And I’m sure all the Funcom diehard fans will defend you and say “these bugs are normal none of them are game breaking”. Yeah, I guess that’s why you decide NOT to fix your game until mid january. Real professional Funcom. I can clearly see the reward for my loyalty to you and Conan Exiles. I can clearly see your undying support for your player base. I can clearly see your passion and love for this game.

SMDH…(rant over)

Goodbye for now Funcom, I’ll be back when you get your heads out of your butts and take Conan Exiles out of alpha stage.


Good. Another one woke up.


Couple of comments as I read.

Bad updates going out is a byproduct of hard release dates. This isn’t a funcom issue but an issue with game pass system. Every game that has hard update for game passes has this same issue. Updates go out as it on time. Which has never done anything for any game but give them this same reputation.

A developer going for hard update release dates isn’t shooting themselves in the foot, they are sticking it in a meat grinder.

Decay timers get set for holiday seasons. I honestly don’t know any of these people but apparently there are people that go on these vacation things for a couple weeks. And apparently there is no internet at these vacations.

It’s RNG, only had the bugged cages once in 16 T1 runs. Got a bar keep on the first try, and had them come up 2/3 of the time. But sometimes RNG loves me.

I gave up on the Kurak dungeon before it was fixed enough to actually finish. Tried once or twice since, not finished it.

Ya, I lost quite a few followers on the beta server and went off about it. Of coarse it went live unchanged.
Best way to do it is not fight. Sneak in, blow one wall, gas the boss and everyone else in the room. Done. The way to beat the keep is to not fight. Ninja that crap.

Might give a try back in Ch4, the “fix what we can before the next age” chapter.

But, as I’ve said, every update sucks a little more fun out of the game. For me the game gets more frustrating because of the issues you describe, then fun every day. Right now I am searching for a viable replacement; too bad sunkenland is 1st person only.


The game is in the absolute worst state it has been in since I started in 2020. This patch is the most shameful in a long line of shameful patches.

You want to add new features to the game, great. DO NOT release them until they actually work. One simple approach that would make the game so much better.


They don’t care about you.

I’m not saying this in any way to offense but but it’s the reality, they’re disconnected from their game, they will never knowledge any of this since they don’t read the forum nor play the game, now…If you ask me what they do…I don’t know, because it takes them 3 months to do something a modder takes 10 minutes.


havent had nearly as much bugs as you and on my xbox series x its running quite smooth other than not loading in the big statues between highlands and desert) (could be better ofcourse) but yeah… there are wayy to many bugs for a patch mid january considered to be good enough. thats just an insolence.
bringing stuff in with the new season that you cant even get like the camals? a demolisher that onshots stuff. HOW? how is that not fixxed in the first week after launch. how can that be in the game for a month.
and i know that some of the stuff was known BEFORE THE RELEASE! how can you implement it, knowing it doesnt work

i will point my fingers at dennis for brining something so broken despite of him saying he will not do soemthing like that (he mentioned iirc when asked why the pve fortress was not in siptah)

i also blame the non existant QA department, i am sure even the most passionate white knights will not dare to defend QA after last patch.

i would also recommend funcom to shut down Testlive, if it is not going to be used as it should has been used. as it is , it looks like testlive is just a new marketing way to show new content, but it is NOT being used as a framework to improve the game. (sadly)

do hope they make ammends , and fix their entire patch process…


1 Like

LOL/// dennis expresion in that picture is … Golden LOL

By aknowledging how incompetent r in releasing major updates (especially unwanted ones ) , they should release the new chapter AFTER they r back from vacations…

How much brainpower it needs to understand that when u suck at something u do not do it and take ur leave???

I had hopes. They managed to understand that they should be releasing mid week, to do what? Release midweek and then gtfo on vacations???

Seems legit

And extremely professional…


I’m sure the next chapter will be better than all The other updates :face_holding_back_tears::rofl::rofl::rofl:.

Age of the gods huh ? :see_no_evil:

more like Age of Incompetence



Preach it brother. :raised_hands:t3:

This topic was automatically closed 7 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.