Since we have no word anywhere on what has caused the outage of online play for conan, who wants to come up with some unique funny conspiracy theories :joy::joy:

1-Someone broke into the live services server farm looking for stray cats, didn’t find them, stole all the servers instead. Shameful

2-Crypto scammers hacked into the connection servers and stole everyones unique id’s, thinking they had found the crypto gold mine, alas the ID’s had no value and were rudely deleted, starting the #uniqueidnotvalid gate. Abhorrent




#3 they hired some interns for Christmas break. While the interns was working on fixing the bugs decided to start fresh with new code.


4-Someone was eating an entire cake in the server room and decided to feed them so they could enjoy the delicious cake as well.

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#5 It was a dark and stormy night at the end of today’s jubilant office Christmas party, in Oslo, Norway. The inebriated devs, having sung their last song and drained their last cups of Gløgg, crawled home, confident that their new Bazaar items would have them rolling in Krones before you could say Skoll! The lights were out, the office building creaking as warm timbers cooled from the frigid winter air…

Unbeknownst to the rest of the unsuspecting Conan Exiles staff, a sole person stayed behind, lurking in the shadows of the server room. It was the quiet new intern Ravi. Such a nice fellow, they had said… so respectful and timely… Little did they know that their praised intern was actually a plant from Funcom’s arch-nemesis, Blizzard!

With haste and precision rarely seen in an intern, Ravi inserted a tiny, diabolical string of code into the production server’s auto update routine then slipped out the back door that the nicotine-addicted devs used on their frequent smoke breaks. “How fitting that Funcom’s regin should end on such a cold, miserable night.” Ravi thought to himself as he rushed to the airport to catch the last connecting flight to Irvine, California.

Ravi knew it would be half a day or more before the first dev would even bother to check the status of their treasured Conan Exiles. By then, it would be too late, much too late. The last of their die-hard fans would have evaporated in frustration, and Funcom would be down for the count… “A bllizzard indeed!”


@ servian
:smiley: well done describes exactly what happend

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